I have never been so fantastical about the idea of getting married. It was never something I thought of so much, or dreamed of creating. While I did day dream often about falling in love, marriage was never something I was attached to. Perhaps because I tend to shy away from being the centre of attention, I thought if I ever did get married, it would just be my partner and I alone on a beach somewhere. When we arrived in Hawaii with six full open days and no plans, we figured the Island would hold us well for this … And besides … What else would we do … Why else were we even there …?
I also believed that if you truly love someone, it isn’t so important to formally announce your covenant during a one day ceremony, but rather more important is what you say to your loved one everyday. So we took everything informally and booked an official performer for a ceremony, went to the Department of Health in downtown Honolulu for a permit to get married, and on that special day we arrived in our best attire to a beautiful beach of the islands east coast. The day wasn’t so romantic – it rained for part of it, we had to take a two hour bus ride on public transit to reach the beach, and the performer was beyond bizarre. It did however give us a good laugh, make us cry, and afterwards we got to swim in the beautiful Ocean.
Since that afternoon our day to day lives carried on! The only difference is that since the ceremony passed I can now refer to Asaf as my husband. It has taken a while to get used to, but it fits and I am really happy! I think the most beautiful thing about the desire to have a public wedding ceremony is that you get to share your love for someone else with all of the people in your life whom you really care about. This for me is something beautiful. One day we hope to have that celebration with our close friends and family, when the time is right.
When we arrived in California a few days later, we met our close friend Robyn from South Africa for a few days around the Bay area. We told her about our ceremony during a car ride to the meditation retreat in the mountains where we were spending the night. The next morning when we woke up, Robyn took us for a walk and showed to us the most beautiful and wise old oak tree I had ever seen. She thought it would be a good idea for us to exchange our vows here, somewhere special, in a trusting environment.
That really made things real as we got talk about what a ‘vow’ meant to us and we got another chance to speak more about the loving reasons why we got married in the first place. It was sweet and warm and lovely. It made us feel really special and proud of the decision we had made. I am so proud of who my husband is, cherish deeply the bond that we have, and feel as though everyday spent with him is a gift.
As the days get closer to when our child will arrive it feels more and more that we are together as a small family. In coming full circle around the earth it feels that I have somehow also scaled the entire circumference of my heart, and have allowed it to be fully open to this influx of love that was laid out for me. It feels incredible to have all of this beauty in my life, and to know that I found it by allowing myself to be freely who I am.
Now that we have made it to California our challenge has been to summarize this journey and find for ourselves a comfortable nesting grounds. We have learned so much in our lives about the environments we like to be in, that we thrive in, and that we want to go back to. It is like we are now looking at the world we know, the world everyone is neatly placed into, and trying to figure out where it is we need to be. We are looking for a place to live and grow that is nourishing, supportive, positive, and one that we can give back to. We can see the ease at which it is comfortable to fall back into convention and live more ordinary lives, but we want something different. It is as if we are looking for a place that combines settling with exploring and being refreshed by the activities of our daily lives.
We are not sure what we will find, and how much time there is for us to find it. But we are open and willing to listen to our hearts and let them guide us to where it is we are supposed to be. Even in trying to settle down there is an adventure there for us, and we are eager to keep following it.